I went up to the missus this morning and said "I have a big problem"

She replied "Now look, you don~q~t have a problem, we have a problem, remember our wedding day? for better for worse, for richer for poorer and all that, now what~q~s this so called big problem"?

I said "We~q~ve got your sister pregnant"

今早我对妻子说：“我有个大麻烦了。”

她回答：“听着，不是你有个大麻烦，是我们有个大麻烦。还记得婚礼那天吗？‘不论是好还是坏、是贫穷还是富有…’。所以有什么大麻烦？”

我说：“我们把你妹妹搞怀孕了。”

——Ramsbottom

After a rough night at the pub last night, I was rudely awakened by my neighbour cutting his grass.

"Fuck it," I thought, "He can mow around me."

在酒吧疯狂一夜后，我被我邻居的割草声残忍地吵醒了。

“去他妈的，”我想，“就让他绕着我割吧。”

——Stallion

My old school bully still takes my dinner money off me everyday , even now

I lke to say hello as drive up in my new expensive car and say" big mac meal please mate "

以前在学校里欺负我的恶霸直到现在还会每天拿走我的午餐钱。

我真是爱死了开着我新买的高级汽车对他说：“巨无霸套餐谢谢。”

——Specimen

What have Theresa May and a three-pin-plug got in common?

They~q~re both fucking useless in Europe.

特蕾莎·梅和三孔插座有什么共同之处？

对欧洲来说都他妈屁用也没有。

——mandy

10 priests are killed and arrive at the pearly gates.

St Peter says, "Ok, if any of you are paedophiles, you~q~re going to hell".

9 of them start walking away, St Peter says, "Aye and take the deaf cunt with you"!

10名神父被杀害后，来到了天堂的大门。

圣彼得说：“谁是恋童癖，谁就要下地狱。”

有9个人动身离开了，此时圣彼得又说：“哎，把这个聋子带走！”

——cupidfuckingstunt

People remake movies, TV shows, video games etc. but no one ever remakes books.

人们总在重制电影、电视节目和游戏，但从没有人重制书籍。

——Pickrosss

People miss School so much because it~q~s hands down the most consistent social environment you~q~ll ever be in

人们如此想念学校，是因为那是我们所处过最稳定的社会环境。

——xDJeslinger

George Washington died in 1799. Toilet paper was not invented until the year 1880. Not only did he not know about dinosaurs, riding a bike, peanut butter and pizza, he also never used toilet paper.

乔治·华盛顿死于1799年，厕纸被发明于1880年。他不仅不知道恐龙、自行车、花生酱和披萨的存在，他还从来没用过厕纸。

——gayyytrash

翻译：荒野／编辑：欣圆／监督：诺北

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