一、文本分析

这是一篇人与自然主题语境下，从属于自然生态主题群的有关加拿大地理概况的材料。本材料是一篇游记，有着典型的记叙文文体，明线是李黛予和刘倩乘旅游专线“真北方”号火车由西向东横跨加拿大国土从温哥华前往蒙特利尔看望表兄妹的旅途见闻，暗线是介绍加拿大概况。文章第1段是主题段，介绍了本次旅行的人员、目的地、交通方式，2-5段按照时间顺序依次展开，描述了主要城市温哥华、加尔各答、桑德湾以及湖区、落基山脉等地的自然风光和人文活动，细节丰富，但写得比较散，因此借助地图画旅行路线的方式可以让学生更清晰地看到文章脉络和介绍重点。作者在介绍温哥华这个城市时花了大量笔墨，以“主题句+细节描写”的方式从温哥华的自然资源、气候、人口、活动等方面进行介绍，较多地使用了现在分词结构这一非谓语结构，读来生动活泼，优美动人，引人入胜。这一部分是非常好的仿写材料。

二、教学设计与理念

本节课的出发点和落脚点是“读写结合”，旨在通过这节课的学习，让学生学会游记的一般写作方式：

1.按照时间顺序、地点顺序介绍

2.详细介绍一个地点可从多角度进行细节描写，用“主题句+细节”结构

3.现在分词结构可做主语，尤其在描写活动、动作时能凸显“现场感”

三、教学步骤

本节课首先让学生读标题进行预测，预测文章的语篇类型，根据对语篇类型的预测再进行文章内容的预测，回忆记叙文文体的基本要素5W+1H. 再让学生进行整体阅读，读出文章大意，将文章划分成三部分。之后是细节处理：快速阅读文章第一部分以表格形式找出本次旅行关键信息；阅读文章第2-3部分，画出本次旅行的路线图，再根据路线图梳理各个地点详细信息，通过问题“Among the places, which impresses you most? Tell your reasons.”引导学生以“阅读圈”的形式进行小组学习和讨论。学生表达分享后，教师对“温哥华”部分的文本详细分析，从内容结构上、语言上、思维上进行指导。最后给出仿写任务Suppose you’re going to write a journal about local travel for foreign friends, how would you introduce the towns along the railway? Choose one you’re most familiar with and write. Work in groups.

四、本节课亮点

本节课的亮点在于从“读写结合”角度出发，对文本的结构和重点城市温哥华的介绍篇幅进行分析。旅游是学生生活中常见的活动，并且也是学生喜闻乐见的休闲形式，因此激发学生进行游记仿写对学生语言能力中“写”这一输出型技能的培养意义重大。本节课的设计通过两个活动来激发学生写作。

1.小组讨论：根据姐妹俩游记中对“温哥华”、“加尔各答”、“桑德湾某城”的描述，你最喜欢哪个地方？为什么？

这个活动的设计旨在帮助学生有目的地深入阅读文本细节，交流探讨，发现语言对读者了解一个地方的影响，从而感受语言的魅力。同时为详细分析温哥华部分的描写做准备。

2.展示金华地图。观察，发现金华市也有这么一条由西向东横穿的铁路，作为金华本地人，请你为外国游客写一份铁路沿线的当地旅游介绍。选一个你熟悉的乡镇或区域进行写作。

本节课最大的亮点是这个任务的设计。严老师说：在备课过程中以“读写结合”为出发点处理了读的内容后，比较困扰的就是“写”的情境创设和任务设计。基于情境真实性，任务实用性的原则，她想到了让学生介绍金华这个他们最熟悉最有话可说的故土。原本只是想把地图给学生让他们介绍自己的家乡，但在仔细观察地图后，她发现恰好在金华境内也有这么一条横穿铁路，沿线分布着好多大的乡镇。这样一来，可以帮助学生把课堂中横穿加拿大的体验与现实中横穿金华的体验进行对比，创设相似情境，设计实用任务。

五、目标达成情况

从课堂中学生反馈和生成来看，学生能够根据老师指导有侧重地阅读文本。在阅读过程中激活已知，如：记叙文六要素、游记的一般记叙顺序。此外也有新知识的输入，如：“主题句+细节”结构详细描述地点，现在分词结构做主语表述动作和活动。但输入容易输出难，在最后一个仿写任务环节，学生一开始对于自己出生并长大的土地竟然感觉无话可说，写的内容少且大多泛泛而谈。因此课后又另找时间以金华市中心区域为例，与学生一起进行头脑风暴。找到了特色美食、特色景点、特色公园、特色文化等多维度的城市细节，同时为学生提供了一些金华专有名词（如：金华酥饼Jinhua Crispy cookie、金华火腿Jinhua Ham、佛手Buddha-hand fruit等）的相应英文表述。主题句中的形容词选择也让学生进行了思考，大家集思广益，思维活跃。在二次指导后，大部分学生作文中的内容就丰富多了，也出现了多篇佳作，生动活泼富有生命力。

【课件展示】

课后反馈：

范文：

Jinhua City Centre

Written by Iris

You’re going to see some charming scenery. Going eastward, you’ll pass bridges in different styles. Among them, the most beautiful one could be the Rainbow bridge, which was designed to use solar energy to give lights in different colors. Below the bridges, there is a wide river called Wujiang which divides the city into two parts. Taking a boat trip there at night, you can enjoy Musical Fountains, the colorful Wuju Theatre--which features like a butterfly, the gorgeous light show on the buildings facing the river, as well as feel the gentle touch of the breeze. Going southward along the Wuyi River--a branch of the Wujiang, you’ll experience parks in separate identities. The International Friendship Park, covered with different kinds of cherry blossoms in early March, looks as though it is covered with pink snow. Flying kites with children and taking attractive selfies make it the most popular sight among citizens. Traveling along the other branch of Wujiang--Dongyang River, the places of historic interest like Guzicheng, Bayonglou and Wanfo tower will surely catch your eyes. Here in Jinhua city centre, you’re in Jinhua’s most wonderful part.

学生习作：

金华孝顺中学一（7）班  田  贝

1.Langya Town

You’re going to see a charming village which is located in Jinhua. The water there is very clean and the air is very fresh. It’s cool all year round because that the village is surrounded by mountains. So here is proper for summer holiday. What leave me a deep impression is the scenery in spring. At that time, walking on the bridge is a great enjoyment. You can feel soft wind touching your face and bright sunshine giving you warmth. People are very friendly and warm-hearted here. They have a very close relationship between each other. Just like a big family. Frankly speaking, this town had no popular place to visit or good culture to admire, what be passed from generation to generation is a very simple quality--it’s positive.

金华孝顺中学一（7）班  阮天乐

2.Jinhua

Jinhua is such a charming city that can let you fall in love here! Don’t believe? I’ll tell you many interesting things about it, and I think you will love it. If you like eating, you must try Jinhua crisp cake. It tastes especially good when it was hot. And what else, the most famous food in Jinhua is ham. You can cook it with vegetables and it will smell great that let you be hungry. What’s more, it has clear air, many animals, lots of trees and so on. It’s very beautiful in every season, especially in winter. This is Jinhua.

金华孝顺中学一（7）班  刘孜槿

3.Jinhua

Jinhua is located in the middle of Zhejiang province and a beautiful green city surrounded by mountains on three sides. It has a long history as well as beautiful scenery. Up to this day, this ancient cultural city has been modernized. Its downtown area is particularly charming. No matter the crowding of the day or magnificent lighting at night, it is evidence of Jinhua’s prosperity. Here you can see the bustling streets, the crowds and the traffic. Occasionally, there are some grand events here, you may think you’re dreaming. Of course, Jinhua also had many specialties. Delicious and attractive, the ham and small crispy cookies are well-known.

学生习作评价：

通过对课文中vancouver城市描写的具体分析，课堂最后留了5分钟让学生探讨并描写金华市铁路沿线一个自己最熟悉的城镇。可能由于他们平时缺乏对生活中细节的观察与感受，到下课铃响时几乎没有讨论出可以写的城市细节，他们普遍觉得没什么好写的。因此课后又另找时间以金华市中心区域为例，与学生一起进行头脑风暴。找到了特色美食、特色景点、特色公园、特色文化等多维度的城市细节，同时为学生提供了一些金华专有名词的相应英文表述。主题句中的形容词选择也让学生进行了思考，大家集思广益，提出了：beautiful, colorful, modern, interesting, amazing, charming等词。在本次指导过后在进行第二次写作，大部分学生作文中的内容就丰富多了，也出现了多篇佳作，读来及有吸引力。

一些共性的问题：

1.v-ing形式做主语的结构未能活学活用

例1：You can cook it with vegetables and it will smell great that let you be hungry.（阮天乐）

改为V-ing形式做主语：Cooking it with green vegetables in the hot oil, you’ll be greeted by the great smell and may feel hungry at once.

例2：No matter the crowding of the day or magnificent lighting at night, it is evidence of Jinhua’s prosperity. Here you can see the bustling streets, the crowds and the traffic.（刘孜槿）

改为V-ing形式做主语：Crowding in the bustling streets or busy night market and enjoying the magnificent light show help you taste the prosperity of this city.

2.写介绍类文章一般使用的时态不明确

例1：Frankly speaking, this town had no popular place to visit or good culture to admire...（田贝）

修改意见：介绍类文章常用一般现在时，句中的had应改为has

例2：It tastes especially good when it was hot.（阮天乐）

修改意见：was应改为is

例3：Of course, Jinhua also had many specialties.（刘孜槿）

修改意见：had改为has

3.介绍细节多时易串句

例1：You can cook it with vegetables and it will smell great that let you be hungry. （阮天乐）

修改意见：见问题1

例2：Jinhua is located in the middle of Zhejiang province and a beautiful green city surrounded by mountains on three sides. （刘孜槿）

修改意见：该句虽然在语法上正确，但读起来信息量有些多，可进行适当的结构修改，使其读来更自然。

Located in the middle of Zhejiang province, Jinhua is a beautiful green city surrounded by mountains on three sides.

例3：Occasionally, there are some grand events here, you may think you’re dreaming.（刘孜槿）

修改意见：逗号隔开的两句话串句，可用一个定语从句来解决该问题。

Occasionally, there are some grand events here, which seem like dreaming for you.

本期组织策划制作：Carrie Wang